


I am no Jedi

by shiliseas



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics), The Force Awakens - Fandom, The Last Jedi, ben solo - Fandom
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Angst and Romance, Ben Solo is a Mess, Dominant Kylo Ren, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Gray Jedi, Humor, Jedi, Jedi Ben Solo, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Love, Love/Hate, Possessive Kylo Ren, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Kylo Ren, Redemption, Star Wars References, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:00:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25404250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiliseas/pseuds/shiliseas
Summary: You are a grey force user mentored by Jedi trained Malan Sen. Together, you are guardians of peace and democracy, but live in secrecy. You live by the belief that small changes pave the way to revolution... The First Order must and will be destroyed.And then you meet Kylo Ren- the "Jedi killer." Someone once told me "...know thy enemy..." So, maybe I will.POST TFA | PRE TLJ (kinda during beginning of it)
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, kylo ren x reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	1. A Master and a Padawan

**Author's Note:**

> TW** VIOLENCE AND DESCRIPTION OF INJURY
> 
> I am excited to begin this. Please give me feedback! Suggestions/ideas are all welcome!
> 
> Also, TCW fans- the title is inspired by Ashoka Tano. She is one of my favorite SW characters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all :)  
> Thank you so much for checking out this story. All thoughts, comments and criticisms are appreciated!
> 
> The pronouns for Malan Sen should be she/her/hers but they are they/them in this chapter- I have been sucked into writing other chapters that I have not edited this yet and was also avoiding rereading this chapter. I will do that as soon as I can. I am sorry about this, I hope the chapter is still readable!

_A baby blue sky. A wet breeze. Waves lapping at the shore. Fabric rubbing together. Crunching sand. My mentor's breaths._

This is what I focus on. I follow the force, and in doing so, I become aware of my complete surroundings. My legs are crossed, and my posture is straight. The sand is my seat, my view is the ocean and sky.

**"Y/N."**

My hearing is muffled by my concentration. Sand crunches behind me, two hands land gently on my shoulders.

**"y/n- y/n."**

I snap back into my body, pulled from my meditation. I turn to the side, my mentor, Malan Sen, crouches behind me. Once I look at them, Malan stands, wielding its lightsaber. Malan _never_ openly carries it. _Something is wrong_. I roll forward onto my hands and knees, standing and brushing sand off.

**"My meditation was about over anyway..."** I laugh, but I quickly move to worrying. **"Is everything alright?"**

**"We have overstayed our welcome. I just received word First Order ships have entered nearby airspace."**

**" _It was only about time_." **They nod. **"And the spy is still in jail?"**

**"Yes."** They sigh. **"I had to interrogate them. It was not an easy choice, nor should it ever be- it was a last resort. A parent of a padawan told the spy of their child's training... And about _me_." **I kick the sand, shaking my head. 

We knew training force sensitive children on _their home_ _planet_ , Glee Anselm, would make us an easy target. The children are usually trained on the planet's only moon, and my identity is only known to the padawans but _no one else._ Many force sensitive children are killed by the First Order, we saw their training as a necessary precaution. But beyond that, it is Master Sen's home planet. They felt an obligation to protect the children just as they were once protected.

 **"The guests have arrived..."** Malan Sen is looking up at the sky. I look up in response and scoff at the sight of a First Order command shuttle and transport ship. They are heading towards the Nautolen capital city, Pieralos. _This will not turn out well._

**"Follow me back into the city, the padawan and their families should be evacuated by now. We will survey each of their houses to make sure-"**

**"And then _what_? _Fight off the First Order_?" **

**"If it comes to that, _yes."_**

**"I-"**

**"No. You _are_ ready. Continuing to question yourself exposes you to weakness you cannot have during combat."**

**"Yes, master."**

**" _Come_."**

Malan turns towards the forest. They glance at me, then run, lightsaber in hand. I close my eyes for a moment and breath, then pick up my feet and follow them at full speed. The wind whips my hair around, we slip between trees and bushes. The city comes into view, and it looks _abandoned._ They seem to have been warned. We approach the city border, and Malan stops.

 **"First we are going to the home of the parent who informed the spy-the home of padawan Sival."** I sigh but stop my heart from sinking, knowing it would only blind my conscious. 

Malan gestures towards the city with their head, and we run again. My calves ache from running on the sand, but before I feel like stopping, we approach Sival's home. _The door is open_. Before we can react, our heads whip to the left, toward the sound of yelling and blaster shots. Far away, but close enough to see, troopers walk in the opposite direction, their group obscuring our view of the crowd ahead. 

**" _Go inside._ I will be back. If I take too long, go to the underground tunnels and evacuate the padawans as we have planned."**

**" _Splitting up_? If _M_ was here they would not like our odds."**

**" _M_ never does anyway. Go. Now!" **I swallow and walk to the door. Before entering I turn back to Malan, watching them sneak along the buildings with their saber ignited. Malan _loves_ the art of surprise. I put my trust in my master, and walk inside. 

The first room is dark. A table looks moved out of place, and a chair is fallen over. I look around the room- the living and cooking space are clear. Under a hunch, I walk down to the basement. The stairs are dark, but a faint light peaks out from under the door. I slowly push the door open. My hand flies to my side, grasping my saber at the scene-two bodies lay on the ground. One is on their stomach, the other is on their side. I rush to them, falling to my knees. I bring a hand to their heads, checking for life. But they are gone. These are the parents of padawan of Sival. My face falls into my hand.

I collect myself, then examine their bodies. The one on their stomach received wounds from a blaster, but the other- the _mother, has lightsaber wounds._ Her hand is sliced off, but that was not the lethal wound. I look to their stomach, staring at a gaping hole. _Something_ pointed their saber at close range, and ignited it into her. _Cruel_ is all I can think.

 **" _Master y/n._ " **A voice croaks.

I look behind me and to my right. _Padawan Sival._ They sit in the corner, their knees up. I quickly stand up, rushing to them and getting down to the ground in front of them.

 **" _Sival."_ **I bring a hand to their head, feeling the strength of their force. _Weak_ , but they can recover. I look to their abdomen, which they hold a hand over. Probably the same wound as their mother. It is strange that they would receive close range injuries.

 **"Let me look, Sival."** They lower their hand. Thanks to the heat of the saber, the wound is mostly cauterized, giving us more time. 

**" _Trust_ _me_." **I tell him. He meets my eyes. I hold out my left hand, and he takes it. But it is not to hoist him up, it is something for them to _squeeze_ for the pain. 

I bring my right hand over their wound, closing my eyes. If I mess this up, I could kill them, or I could kill myself. I focus on the wound and their presence in the force. I push my own force energy into them, focusing on the wound. Pressure weighs my body down and a dull pain rushes through me. Beneath my fingers I feel their wound healing, causing Sival to squeeze my hand in discomfort. I remove my hand from their abdomen, looking down at their healed wound. I give an exhausted smile. It may take days for me to recover from _this_.

 **"My _speciality._ " **I chuckle. They smile, but their eyes are worn and sad. They look past me to their parents, and I bring a hand to their head, turning it towards me. 

**"Hold onto your sorrow, Sival. You need to go to the underground tunnels, just like we went over, _okay_? Save yourself, and live as their legacy."** My eyes burrow into theirs. 

I help him up, and we make our way outside. 

**" _Go_. I can't go with you. There is no time to talk. _Go now_!" **They run away from the house towards the nearest tunnel entrance, away from the troopers. I watch until I can no longer see him. Then I feel a hand at my arm, yanking me back.

**"Half the troopers are gone, but we need to leave. The sith apprentice is _here_."**

**" _Ren?_ "**

**"Yes. We will talk about it later, they are most likely coming after us. We need to go NOW. Tell _M_ to get the ship."**

Once again, we run together. My body is weak from the healing, but my willpower carries me. When we make it out of the city I bring my wrist to my mouth activating my commlink. Though I can barely speak as I run, I tell _M_ , my R3-M2 model droid, to get the ship and find us at the shore.

We make it to the ocean's edge, and search the sky for our ship. Sweat beads down our faces, the sun shining down in a cloudless sky. Though we will not find out until later, by this time resistance members successfully destroyed the single trooper transport ship. _Only_ the First Order command shuttle remains.

**" _A Master and their padawan_." **A robotic voice speaks from behind. I pull my saber from my belt, igniting its double blade. Before my master and I turn around, we look at each other, both giving a slight nod. _Just like in practice... Just like in practice..._ I tell myself. 

I whip around, now seeing the source of the voice- a black cloaked figure dawning a black and grey metal mask. I scoff. Ah. A vader wanna-be. _This is the apprentice... Kylo? Ren?_ They ignite their saber. It glows red and crackles. The saber is cross guarded, which I have never seen before. _That,_ at least, earns some respect from me. 

**" _Unfortunately for you_." **I reply, giving him a half smile and raising my brows. I try to look at my master without turning my head. Their saber is ignited too, to my delight. 

**" _If only._ " **

They stomp one leg out, pointing its saber at me. It looks down the blade at me, then at my master. He charges towards us, first engaging me. _Of course he did!_

Our sabers collide. With his free hand he reaches out to my _master._ Malan is thankfully also quick to react, stretching their hand out to Kylo. They try to push each other with the force, but it is though their power is equal- almost _balanced._ I try to overpower him, pushing against him with all my strength. Somehow, he and my master are still using the force against each other, and _still_ unable to move each other.

 _Then it all happens so fast-_ Troopers emerge from the forest, firing their blasters. Malan lowers their hand from Kylo, deflecting shots with their saber at the troopers. My master and I lose our focus on Kylo. Before I can react, he pushes me to the ground, then stretches his hand to Malan and throws them out to the ocean. They aren't _too_ far, but the water was not very deep, and Malan hurt their ankle.

I pant in the sand. My lightsaber is no longer ignited. I try to swallow my dizziness. You are supposed to fight and _then_ heal- not the other way around... With all my might, I hope my exhaustion won't get me killed. I quickly look to Malan, then back at Ren, and jump to my feet.

**" _Nice mask."_** I taunt, backing away.

I hold out my saber horizontally in front of me with one hand. I ignite it, leap forward, and hit his saber from above. He is _strong_ , barely stumbling under my weight, and pushing me back. I quickly engage him again, our sabers colliding with ferocity. I bounce his saber between each side of mine, attempting to push him back away from the shore. Our movements are not very fast, but they are _burly._ Our fighting styles do not complement each other well. My movements flow, each leading into another. His movements are beastly, almost _unrefined_. I rotate my saber to be vertical, swinging at him, but we only spin back from each other.

In perfect timing, we both look up at the sound of a ship... _My ship._ R3-M2 pilots it from inside, first hovering over the water to pick up Malan. Comfort washes over me, giving me a new sense of strength.

**"Looks like my ride is here. Thanks for the practice... _apprentice._ "**

I'm about to make a run for it, but Ren reaches his hand out, attempting to stop my ship from moving. I spin my saber and run towards him. His focus comes back to me, releasing the ship and taking a large swing at my saber. I leap backwards, and without hesitation, _I run_ along the shore. Kylo does not follow me. He stands and stares. After 5 minutes of running, I stop and let the ship land beside me. I desperately hop onto the ship, racing to the cockpit where Malan is now sitting.

 **"Are you alright, master?"** I ask, out of breath. 

**"I am fine, it is likely my ankle is only sprained. Hopefully they follow us and we can lead them from the planet."**

And that is exactly what happens. The command shuttle follows us out of the planet. We narrowly dodge their lasers, and when we lead the shuttle a comfortable distance away from Glee Anselm, we jump to light speed.

_The stars blur_. Another day, another narrow escape from death. But little did I know, we hadn't quite escaped them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not be giving this character a lightsaber color. I want you to be able to decide that!
> 
> CANON LIGHTSABER COLORS:
> 
> -Purple  
> -Blue  
> -Red  
> -Cyan  
> -Green  
> -Indigo  
> -Magenta  
> -Orange  
> -White  
> -Whitegold  
> -Yellow
> 
> Here are some resources to decide or figure out what yours would be:
> 
> -Star Wars Theory's youtube video "TOP 7 Lightsaber Colours and Meanings " https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88nWIKSYyCk
> 
> -Vox article: https://www.vox.com/2015/5/31/8689811/lightsaber-colors-star-wars
> 
> -Screen Rant article: https://screenrant.com/star-wars-lightsaber-color-meaning-canon/


	2. The Resistance Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y/n and Master Sen land on the resistance base...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,  
> This chapter is going to be very plot heavy but it is necessary( :') )! Things are going to start getting heated... Next chapter coming soon!
> 
> I really hope you enjoy. I know plot heavy fanfics are not for everyone. I truly enjoyed writing this. It took far longer than I expected, but I can't wait to continue this adventure.
> 
> IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE  
> * Malan Sen's pronouns will now be she/her. I will edit this in the first chapter as soon as I can. I am sorry for any confusion.

The ship lurches forward, the sea of stars return into our view. We have come out of light speed, and I realize Malan never told me where we are going. I was too busy sorting out things on the ship.

I return to the cockpit, my arms resting on the back of the empty pilot chair beside Malan.

 **" _Where_ are we going?" **Malan loudly exhales.

 **" _A resistance base_.** **"** Those simple yet loaded words stunned me.

 **" _The resistance_? We are going to be exposed. I- I will not be turned into a soldier." **I push against the chair, moving back and crossing my arms loosely. **"** **That is not my path. Nor is it yours. You taught me the history of The Jedi Order, and what stuck with me is what become of them from their role as warriors. You told me their h** **ypocrisy and arrogance crumbled them."**

**"You are exaggerating the situation. Yes, be critical of what we are doing, but you must also be critical of your thinking. We do not think in absolutes. Solutions cannot be thought of in a binary way, y/n."**

**"I understand, master. My passions never cease to rile me up..."** Then my face is slapped with confusion. **" _How_** **do you know where the resistance is? Did you speak to someone?"**

**"Old friends from... when the empire was around."**

**"Oh... Is it- Did your mast-"** She cuts me off, but does not rush her words.

 **"Because my master was in the Jedi Order, he had many... _connections_." **She pursed her lips. **"We** **worked for the Rebel Alliance, less than a handful of people knew we were Jedi. And this must be the same for you."** She chuckles. **"I haven't seen my resistance friends in... an extraordinary long time."**

**"Who did you speak to?"**

**"Leia Organa. She is a general."** _Oh._ A long long time ago, Malan told me stories about Leia and her brother fighting the empire... Luke was dubbed the last jedi, but that is just a myth. A _legend_. There were surviving jedi, but in the shadows.

**"I would be lying if I said that isn't a surprise. _She_ is your contact? A resistance leader?"**

**"Leia is _the_ leader. I met her when we were teenagers, but- I eventually had to leave it- _them_ behind."**

**"I have... questions, but I know that should wait. Man, I need to sleep for a week."**

**"We will be at the resistance base soon. Go take a nap until then. I can manage."** Malan smiled.

I slugged over to a little nook, then quickly dozed off. 

* * *

The ship thudded against the ground as it landed, waking me up with a scare. I rub my eyes, trying to clear my vision as a blurry figure walks to me. It was only Malan.

**"y/n, we just landed on D'Qar at the resistance base. Would you like me to let you sleep more or come with me?"**

**"I'll wake up now. Can you go ahead? I need a moment... I will catch up."** I respond groggily.

 **"I will just be outside of the ship. Leia will meet me there, and you two will meet."** I throw her a nervous look. **"y/n, that is no big deal. Relax. I think she will enjoy you."** _Enjoy me?_

**"You know I have a talent for overthinking... But yeah, I know. I will be out in a few minutes."**

Malan walks away, heading to leave the ship. I sit up and rub my eyes. When I feel awake I look for _M,_ expecting to have to explain what is going on. Of course, Malan already told _M_ everything. I am not sure what to bring out, so I go to the exit empty handed. But, I stop before the ramp, nervousness bubbling in my stomach. I peak my head out, watching Malan speak to a woman- _Leia?_

**" _Leia, thank you._ So many years have passed- but you always felt like a recent memory. "**

**" _Malan..._ Since when are you the trouble maker?" **They crack a smile. It is pure, filled with childlike glee.

**"Well, I wouldn't say I am a trouble maker-"**

**"But you can't contain your heart. We could use someone like you- _You old fool._ "**

I listen intently to their conversation. They stand only a few feet in front of the ship, Malan towering over her humbly sized body. Though she stands over Leia, it is endearing. There is nothing intimidating about Malan, not even her muscular and taller body.

I step out to the ships entrance, observing them more closely. Though I now stand in peace, I am not ready to speak to the woman spoken of in legends. 

_Beep. Beeeep. Beep. Beep._

_M_ asks who the woman is.

 **"Leia Organa."** M beeps in excitement. **"Sh sh. We'll meet her soon."**

I take a deep breath and make my way down the ramp. Leia and Malan turn to me. A gentle and welcoming smile grows on Leia's face.

 **"Welcome, y/n. I am glad you are both safe now, and we are also grateful for your generous help."** _Help?_ Well, I suppose I did know this is what we were getting ourselves into. I smile, deciding to go with it. I'm sure Malan will explain more right after this.

Our conversation goes smoothly, carrying on like a leaf in the wind. After a few minutes of warming up to each other, _M_ comes down to us. This seems to be the queue for us to move, and the three of us follow Leia to what looks like some sort of briefing room. As Malan, _M_ and I trail behind her, Malan and I discuss what Leia meant by "help". Malan offered Leia any help they need, and she wants me to join her. Malan whispers to me:

**"This is a continuation of our training. All of our lessons have led up to this. The force has brought us here, y/n. I believe this is true."**

I did not train to stay inside and tweedle my thumbs, _that_ part is true. But, this scares me. I have never been a part of something so big. Malan senses my fear. She apologizes for not telling me earlier, that things have been so unclear. I sigh.

**"I- You are right, Master. This is an opportunity to do what I have always wanted to... To bring some peace and balance back. But I do not want to die for it. At least not yet."**

**"I will do everything I can to not let that happen."** _If only it was that easy._ But we both know that it isn't.

We make it into the briefing room. Leia, along with a few other resistance members, stand before Malan and I. They tell us about the base, and brief us on their situation.

They describe their success in destroying Starkiller base, but that the resistance is crippled, and now the First Order is preparing to corner them. To say the least, it is overwhelming. Perhaps it is the Jedi within me, but I feel a great responsibility to _help_. How can such a large and complex regime, _the First Order_ , be destroyed by a dying resistance? " _With hope"_ , Leia told us. Though oddly enough, they do not tell us how we may help them, but they do allude to those details coming soon.

Then the room clears, leaving only Malan, Leia, and I. We spend the next few days on the base. It is a relief to have this sense of security.

* * *

Although Malan and I have mostly kept to ourselves, continuing our training as much as we can, I met quite a few people. This includes a funny but full of it pilot named Poe Dameron, who I can't seem to get out of my head. We only spoke once, but something tells me it won't be the last. He has _quite_ the reputation, and I think I see a friend in a man like that. He may be trouble, but he really knows how to stand on his own two feet...

Today is the day that everything is going to change. The First Order fleet are said to arrive sometime _soon_. We thought they were coming tomorrow. To add another surprise to the mix, Leia arrived at my tent. _She wants to show me something._ I oblige, ignoring my confusion and embracing my curiosity. Leia leads me to a hidden stretch of land only a couple minutes from their base. A few dusty ships sit in a line, covered with cloth.

 **"Would you say you are a fast learner?"** Leia asks.

 **"Uh- I would say I am a good improviser."** Leia smiles, almost as though she is about to laugh.

 **"That may do... Come."** Leia walks to one of the covered ships, and pulls the cloth down. _A tie fighter. How the kriff_... **"A pilot defected- that is how we have this ship. Do not worry about the details. It can land in First Order ship-"**

 **"Do you want me to _fly_ this thing?" **I raise my brows, but still try to be respectful.

 **"I know this may be a terrifying prospect. Master Sen has told me about you. You have strong instincts, and as a _Jedi_ \- excuse me, force user, I believe you could be the right person for this mission. Yes, I would like you to consider flying this thing... I first wanted to show you it, it is an excuse to get away from everyone... It's nice out here, isn't it?" **We chuckle.

**"It is peaceful here... Did Malan tell you that I do not consider myself to be a Jedi?"**

**" _Yes._ I commend the path you seek." **My face is ever so slightly scrunching, expressing seriousness.

 **"Thank you, General Organa. I know it is unconventional."** I clear my throat. **"So, what is this mission?"**

 **"As you know, the First Order ships are expected to arrive very soon. We are preparing to evacuate, which should distract their fleet. We expected this, and have been planning a mission for weeks for this very moment. However, yesterday the resistance pilot assigned to this mission, Arwen, was killed in combat."** My heart falls to my stomach.

 **"Master Sen has told me about your flying skills, and seeing we do not have many options, your Master and I have discussed you helping to see this mission through. You need to know that you do _not_ have to do this. There are other people we may ask. But- I am coming to you first because-"** She hesitates. **"I think the force has guided us to each other. I have a feeling about you, y/n. Though I know very well that I am asking something of you that is larger than I can express."**

I know Leia is sincere... She asks this with care. Yet I can't help but grow so weary at the fact that she does not truly know me, and that she is asking me to risk my life. I should at least hear the details before I make a decision. Maybe there just isn't room to drag their feet about who goes on missions and when... Leia sighs, running a hand along the tie fighter. She drops her hand to her side and turns to me.

 **"The First Order knows who you are. There is a very high chance they** **will** **capture you, an ally has informed us of a bounty on both you and Master Sen... And- that Snoke has a special interest in you. _He wants you alive_. We believe he will try to turn you, train you as a Sith. We will not let this happen. If it does, we will intervene. Our intention is to retrieve specific intel. If this interests you, we will go over the details with our generals and make sure you have everything you need. I know this is scar-"**

 **"I'll do it."** My heart races.

 **"y/n-"** Her eyes are filled with light, but she wears a face of concern. **" _Are you sure?_ "**

**" _Yes.._. This is what I have always wanted to do. _Help restore things_. I thought I would have more time before I would get my hands dirty, but... _here we are._ "**

* * *

A few hours have passed. I have been informed of all the details of my mission. So many details, in fact, that my brain nearly exploded. And now I find myself running to the Tie Fighter, dawning black First Order fighter pilot attire. I throw myself into the Tie Fighter, running through my given instructions. _They will help me navigate to the correct_ _command ship_. _I will have no issues landing in the docking bay._ I must have faith in myself. 

**"Trust your training. Embrace yourself."** Malan told me before I ran off. She squeezed my arm to offer some sort of comfort.

I am sitting comfortably in the ship, and don't hesitate to take off. The ship is _loud_ , it demands attention. That is not something I am too keen to... I quickly leave the atmosphere, hoping with every thread of my being that no one in the First Order saw my ship leave the planet. If they did, I'd be screwed.

However much I was expecting them, my eyes still bulged at the first sight of the fleet. The ships are _triumphant_. I navigate to the correct landing dock, and manage to get through with my "credentials." _The resistance did a good job preparing this._ I land the ship beside another Tie Fighter, as that seems right to me. I need to go over my plan before I get out, and I whisper to myself.

 **"Steal a uniform, but stash my current clothes... Contact Leia via commlink... Go to the command center... Retrieve the data. Leave... And don't die."** I close my eyes for a moment, letting it sink in. _I am ready._

I hop out of the TIE fighter, keeping my helmet on. Storm troopers pass by without glancing in my direction. It is quiet except for thumping boots. The docking bay is a large open space with many different points of entry into other areas of the ship. Frankly, I have _no_ idea where to go. I close my eyes.

_Wheels squeaking. Bright lights. Engine roaring. Stomping boots._

_**Darkness...** **Fear...** **Darkness... Anger...** _

**"What are you doing standing around?"** I open my eyes to a trooper.

 **"Uh- Thought I may have missed something in a routine check. Just thinking."** I walk away, _sweating_ with anxiety. I sneak into the first hallway I see, and jump into an open janitorial closet to catch my breath. What had I felt? The _darkness_ \- it is strong and familiar. That makes sense for a place like this. Or maybe it is _him_. I feel my body drenching in sweat, and peel off the armor and helmet, hiding it in the back of the closet. Then I close my eyes again. I do not know why, but I search for him. Where could he be? I find the darkness in the force, straining myself in concentration, my head on the verge of throbbing.

_Dark waves of hair. Brown eyes. A covered scar. Red lips._

**_Anger... More anger... Ferocity... Disappointment... Confusion... Conflict..._ **

I gasp, forcing myself to swallow a cough as to not get caught. _I saw him_. His helmet is gone. He is nothing that I expected- A beastly man wearing the face of a lost boy. And he is approaching this hallway. I try to snap out of it. I should not forget the mission. _I can't_.

I freeze at the sound of boots approaching. The sound stops before the door, and it swings open. My eyes meet a dull faced Kylo Ren.

 **"Fuck."** I mutter. He squints his eyes at me, and his left eye twitches.

Kylo yanks my arm, pulling me out. I stumble forward, but I quickly regain my balance thanks to his grip on my arm. He says nothing, but drags me along as he walks down the hallway. I try to resist, thrashing my body side to side to wiggle out of his grasp. He only squeezes harder, and aggressively pulls me back to his side. I relax, looking up at him with burning eyes. I do the only thing I can think of... Which I probably should have given more thought.

I kick the back of his knees, then twist my body under the arm he holds so that I can twist his arm behind him. This motion causes him to release my grip, and then I push him forward with the force. My thought was that it would buy me enough time to run, and so I do. I sprint so fast that my vision is a blur. But then something pushes me to the side, my body slamming against the wall. I slump down, but quickly force myself to stand. My head pulses with pain. Just as I begin to run my body freezes. _No no no no no..._ I hear footsteps behind. A hand grazes my side down to the saber at my waist, which he then takes. I feel myself panicking, and then I collapse into the arms of Kylo Ren.


	3. Red, Knight, and Cruel.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y/n, the "untamed Jedi," finds herself between a lanky decrepit old thing and a brown eyed beast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahah anyone catch the little twist on a rhyme I did for the chapter title? My humor is.............bad
> 
> For those of you who are fans of The Rise of Kylo Ren, I will be pulling a lot of inspiration from it.. This chapter will be no exception. I hope you enjoy this one! More coming soon.
> 
> I play with a lot of quotes from TLJ etc because I find them important for the character that it belongs to. I hope this does not bother anyway.
> 
> Wishing you all are well!

I take in a sharp breath. My body lurches up from the ground. I awake on the floor in a red room. Some might call it quite the spectacle- deep red walls, throne in the center, guards spread out behind it. A lanky figure sits in the throne. His decrepit face turns to me, finishing his sentence to Kylo Ren. I turn to my right to see Kylo down on one knee, submitting to the man I can only presume to be his _master._ The man the resistance told me very little about- S _upreme Leader Snoke_. I notice Kylo's elbow rests on his knee, holding my saber. My nostrils flair.

 **"We are pleased to find you."** Snoke tells me. I scoff. 

**"You are pleased to _capture me..._ Why?"**

He stands from his throne, his gold robe swaying at his feet. He strolls over to me, and my bones tremble.

 **"What is it that you want, child?"** He stands only a few feet from me. With the stroke of his hand he pulls me up. Now I am at my feet before him, my arms falling to my side as he forces my head up to him. I grit my teeth.

**"I will destroy you- _Everything."_**

**"You are quite the spunky Jedi... You want to bring balance to the force. To the universe..."** He laughs. **" _Foolish child_. Your resistance will not destroy imbalance. They perpetuate it." **My brows furrow in thought. I only "joined" the resistance a few days ago- not that that matters. Though I suppose I have always been a part of it...

 **"No _. You_ do _._ " **I turn back to Kylo. His eyes are on the ground. I notice my commlink on the floor before him, smashed to pieces. Well, _s_ _hit._ Surely they will know something went wrong and they will come get me? My body becomes heavy, as I realize my failure. I failed the resistance. I failed Leia... and _Malan._ I hope they at least evacuated safely. I have a feeling they did. 

_As I play cat and mouse with this old thing, the resistance was blowing up another command ship. They took down a dreadnought. Knowing I am on the Supremacy, Snoke's ship, they did not come near it. And if they did, it would be ugly to say the least._

**"I can give you _everything_." **He speaks slowly. His words are dry.

 **"Even your death?"** He grins. Anger rises in me. I try to bring my face closer to his, and I spit in his face. Immediately after, I am it with a strike of lightning. It throws me back- something that seems to be happening to me _quite a lot._

The electrical shock is unlike anything I have ever felt. My ears ring, every breaths feels unsettlingly strenuous. I hold myself up with one arm, my head swaying as I try to see clearly. All sounds are muffled.

 **"Another _unbalanced_ apprentice..."** Kylo looks up at him. **"The Knights of Ren will be an easy bait."**

**"She cannot be trusted."**

**"Are you doubting your knights? Surely those that humbled mighty Kylo Ren can take an unstable Jedi."**

Kylo pulls his bottom lip upward, giving him the appearance of a slight frown, while accentuating his chin.

**"Yes, master."**

**"Perhaps she is the key to Skywalker. To forging both sides into one."** Kylo's eyes grow dreary. An unnerving feeling arises, but he cannot place it. A memory slips into his mind.

> _**"BEN, NO!"** _

The uncle of Kylo Ren echoes in his mind, but it is a fleeting memory.

 **"Successful or not, she will return to me. There are multiple ways to get what we want."** Though Snoke really means what _he_ wants.

I fixate on their conversation as my mind spins. I am finally able to stand, but as I do, Kylo swoops in from behind. He holds handcuffs, gently grabbing my hands to cuff me. I am too dazed to react, and before I know it, we are standing in an elevator. Kylo faces forward with his lips parted. His hair is gently tousled, framing his face in such a complementary way that it must not be natural. I chuckle to myself, causing Kylo's eyes to dart toward me. He averts his eyes only a few seconds later, as if unbothered or not curious.

The silence is unsettling, but I have nothing to say. So I word vomit.

 **"What is the point of this? What do you want?"** Kylo closes his mouth, swallowing. I turn to him and take gentle steps forward. He meets my eyes, and I nearly jump back. His eyes look worn. He is vulnerable. And so am I. **"You are nothing but a _pawn_ of evil."** I swallow. **"How long have you been his apprentice?"**

He grabs my cheeks, pressing into my teeth. His glare is frigid, but I swallow all fear. He pushes my head back, though it is not violent nor aggressive. It is on the verge of softness.

 **"You understand nothing of what you are a part of."** I scoff, turning away from him. There seems to be no point in talking to him. What am I to get out of this?

I should really be asking myself what am I _supposed_ to get out of this. But my daze has swallowed my judgement whole. I have let myself forget all about my mission, even that the resistance must know I am captured, and will try to retrieve me... _Won't they_? 

The elevator opens to an empty hallway. He walks out, pulling me along with a hand on my inner elbow. I try to scope out the area, but no one seems to be around. We make it to the docking bay, and all I see is chaos. Pilots running to ships, troopers assembling. Kylo is unfazed. He walks to his command shuttle, and before I know it, he is flying us away from this ship. He hasn't said a word, nor have I. I am too busy looking out the window, watching resistance ships flee. My mouth gapes-Happening faster than I can process, the main resistance ship jumps to light speed... but through the First Order fleet, cutting ships in half. The ship rumbles. Kylo does not turn around, but it is clear he sensed it. For whatever reason, he does not bother to contact his generals- or _anyone_ at all. He simply tenses his jaw, and slams his hand down on the ship's dashboard. I flinch at the sound, though I am unable to peel my eyes away from the crime scene. What has happened? They could have killed me, so surely that wasn't to rescue me. My thoughts are cut short as we jump to light speed. 

**"Where are we going?"** _Silence_. Not a movement from him. **"Are you as uncomfortable as I am?"**

**"No."**

* * *

_We exit light speed_. A red planet comes into view. It looks like a ball of fire- a volcanic planet that surely cannot harbor life. We smoothly enter the planet's atmosphere, and a fog fills my brain. Suddenly I feel unlike myself. I feel darkness, and it is reaching for me. The planet must be connected to the dark side of the force. Malan has spoken of such things before. This is an important reminder that the force flows through all things. In fact, it is something I focus on too often(at least my master would say so). Though it often brings me good- teaching me about my surroundings. For instance, right now, the force is strong with Kylo Ren. Wherever we are, I sense Kylo is connected to this place through the force. Truthfully, I am afraid to know why I am here. Is it to drown out the light in me? Is this how he will try to turn me?

A daunting black castle comes into view. It has a triangular shape, though its looks similar to a serpents fangs. It sits at the edge of a cliff, before a sea of lava. At the center bottom of the castle, a single stream of lava pours out. It is a sight I may never forget. We land beside the castle and walk through an entrance made of black rock. The room we enter is very open, and notably dark. He guides me with a hand on my arm. _Back to controlling me._ I notice the floors are a sleek dark grey rock, but once the entrance closes behind us I loose all visibility. Kylo ignites his saber, walking with it pointed slightly forward.

It is quiet. Our footsteps boom throughout the room. His hand remains on my arm, and I wish I could break it. Suddenly we are walking up steps. I concentrate on not tripping, using the minimal light of Kylo's crackling saber blade. The steps ahead are bathed in light, and then we find ourselves in a [room](https://www.cinelinx.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/k2_items_cache_c8941629757be3adf5da03297576b409_XL.jpg) that feels eerily calm. Light pours in through the cut out wall-presumably the front of the castle, exposing the sky and mountains. The floor continues past that, into some sort of balcony. Kylo extinguishes his saber, and we walk to this "balcony," There is no furniture, but it seems fitting. As we walk, I try to search my surroundings. My mind clings to Kylo, and suddenly I am prying into him. A vision forms, clear as day:

> _Kylo Ren kneels before the burned helmet of Darth Vader. He gently rests a hand on it._
> 
> **_"Forgive me. I feel it again… the call from light. Supreme Leader senses it. Show me again the power of the darkness, and I’ll let nothing stand in our way. Show me, grandfather, and I will finish what you started._ **

The vision changes to another.

> _**"BEN!"** The voice of Han Solo echoes. _
> 
> _**"Han Solo."** _
> 
> _Time skips. Suddenly Han Solo stands before Kylo, a hand on his face._
> 
> **"I'm being torn apart... I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it..."**
> 
> Kylo's saber ignites into Han, and the body of Han Solo falls into an abyss.

The visions were like puzzle pieces coming together. _Who is Kylo Ren?_ For reasons I do not know, I believe this place is conjuring those images in my mind- images which are bathed in darkness. Even as a mere observer, it was suffocating. As the scenes played out in my head, my body could not move. Kylo halted, in sync with myself. He did not try to pull me along, he analyzed me as I swayed back and forth with closed eyes and my free hand to my head. Kylo knew what I had seen, but I am not sure _how._

 **"I-"** I shake my head. He lets go of my arm- A strange and careless gesture on his part.

 **" _Say it._ " **But I resist, trying to reprocess my thoughts. **"Go on, say it."**

 **"You-"** _Why bother to say anything at all?_ I almost could not care less. And I almost could not care any more. He looks at me with warm eyes. Civility in a beast, they might say. But I do not really know this man at all, I've only been given short glimpses of him. There is more substance in the information I have on his physical appearance than in the information I have on him in any other way. It is almost funny how often I catch myself clinging to details of his physicality. I tend to do this-desperately make such creatures more "humane."

I let my mind wander. I try to see Kylo Ren as a _man-_ not a monster. And so I think about his pale skin, and how, despite this, his lips are never dull or dry. Like his saber, they are _red_. Unlike his saber, they are enticing- a sign that he is not a droid, but a man with a beating heart. Is it bad to romanticize my capturer? A terrorist? A murderer? _Yes._ But I am not doing that. At least not in a substantial way. I am trying to see past Kylo's facade. Perhaps more importantly, I am doing what I can so that my mind is not clouded by my emotions- and so, I must focus on and cling to my surroundings, which Kylo _is_ a part of.

Kylo has been a part of my surroundings more often than I ever would have dreamed- even in my nightmares. When I reflect on the moments in his presence, it is difficult to ignore that he has never shown true intent to kill me. Despite allegedly killing countless of innocent beings, he seems to spare me. I believe the main culprit is that I am a relatively strong force user... Perhaps the motivator is the belief by he and Snoke that I will _turn_. Truth is, I wonder if in the future I can convince them that I have. And if I do, I wonder how long I would last before they incinerate me. None of that matters right now anyway, right? Because I am unsure of what lies ahead, I must think with each footstep forward, never leaving the present behind.

 **"I misunderstand you."** It comes out as a mutter, and I immediately bite my tongue.

 **"There is nothing to understand. _Let's go."_ **He tries to grab my arm. I move to the side.

 **"No. No. Not yet."** My words are shaky. It feels like I am tiptoeing the border between life and death... Everything with Kylo Ren seems to be that way. **"If there is going to be any chance of my cooperation- I get to at least know who my capturer is."**

Kylo tilts his head down. Strands of hair fall to his face. I admire the blackness of his hair- so dark that it may blend in with the night sky. The image of Kylo murdering his father flashes in my mind, and I gulp, pulling away from my _distraction_.

**"Your mother is Leia Organa, your father is Han-"**

**"Their son is dead."** I furrow my brows, making no attempt to hide my sadness for him. In fact, I welcome the discomfort of these emotions for him. Malan would say empathy is a strength of the jedi. Though I would merely say _empathy is a strength_. It transcends time and space. I am trying to peel back the layers of Kylo Ren, and they are stiff and sticky. But I am beginning to see past it- I see the constant voices in his ears, I see this man trying to become his own. I see him _struggling_.

Kylo Ren, no- _Ben_ , the son of two legends. A pilot, and a leader. A skywalker, isn't he? And despite that legacy, he defined himself in a way that is as different from that as you may get. My mind lingers on the elephant in the room. _What happened?_ Those visions were clues, but only fragments of the truth... And that is an answer he will not give me. At least I know he will not right now.

**"I easily sense your emotions. _Remember_ _your place_."**

**"My place?"** I laugh. **"Why is it that I am the one being viewed as someone easy to turn, when you seem to be the most conflicted person here?"** He searches my eyes, thinking through his next steps.

**"And why follow a corrupted religion? They burned themselves to ashes. Became blinded by arrogance, self righteousness-"**

**"You say that as though you are not blinded by those same things."**

**"We all are to some extent."** I scoff. He takes a few moments to look around, and then gestures me to move with his head. **" _Go_." **

We reach the balcony. Six figures appear, three on each side They were hiding behind the wall, _waiting for us._ Kylo pushes me to the center of the balcony. I whip my head back, scoping out these mysterious armored figures.

**"What is this?"**

**"We have quite the reputation, haven't you heard?"** One of them sneers.

" _ **No**_. **So, clearly you do not."**

The figure slices a large sword the air towards my face. I react quickly, bringing my hand up, and using the force to push but them and the sword back.

**" _Good._ " **This figure responds. _Definitely not the reply I was expecting_. It takes a few steps forward, half circles me, then steps back.

I look to Kylo. He stands straight, unmoved. His posture is exceptional- he looks _commanding._

**"Would anyone like to tell me what this is?"**

Silence hangs heavy in the air. Finally, Kylo speaks.

**"The Jedi Religion may only tell you so much, and bring you so far."** He searches my eyes. **"** **You know what your path is.** _**Surrender to it** _ **."**

**"To what?"**

**" _The dark side_."**

**" _That is a stretch._ You know I won't."**

**"Is someone going to shut her up?"** Another figure speaks from beside me, taking me by surprise. My cheeks become hot.

The figure ignites their saber, dragging it on the ground, _circling me_. I stare out to the mountains and follow the flowing lava. I do not turn my head, but I try to watch them in the corner of my eyes until they disappear behind me. When the figure comes into my vision again, I look to my feet to a burned circle around me.

**"You're an artist? Is that your role in the group?"** I hold down a smile with raised brows. The figure turns their head to me. If only I could see their eyes. 

This figure steps forward and slowly points there saber to my face. I look down the blade, as does _it_. I laugh. _They really shouldn't have tempted me._ I am already tense from my whole predicament... I take slow breaths. Simultaneously, I extend my right hand out to throw them off into the lava below, and with my left hand I pull their saber to me just before it falls with them. As soon as that saber landed in my hand, which is now extinguished, the mysterious "soldiers" jump at me. One hit my back, knocking me to my knees. Then another hit me again, forcing me to fall to my hands and let go of the saber. I look down, calculating my next move. I do not see another move that I can rationally take. They hover over me, wielding their weapons. Kylo takes slow strides to me. He stands in front of me, tilting his head down.

**"There is _another_ path. You feel it calling. _Join us_ , the Knights of Ren... And you will be anything you want to be."**

**" _Quite the tempting offer._ " **Saliva coats my lips. A strand falls to the ground as I desperately catch my breath.

**"The Sith- The _Jedi_ , they all need to die." **I look up at him, still hunched over the ground. **"Bury y/n the _Jedi_. Kill her, if you have to." **I stand up, pressing on my knee to help get on my feet. The knights weapons follow my body up. I close the gap between us and part my lips as I prepare to respond.

_**"I am no** _ **_Jedi_." **

Kylo's right eye squints. It is as though he is trying to see through me. 

**"And we are not Sith. We use the force under our own code."**

**"If you subscribe to conformity how are you any different?"**

**"Individuality centered around a common purpose... is not conformity."** I stifle a laugh.

**" _That is one way to put it_."**

**"Right and wrong are mere opinions- and we each hold our _own._ " **Kylo pulls his attention to the knights. **"Excuse yourselves, _knights_." **They walk to the stairway, heading to who knows where. I turn to watch them until they have all disappeared.

**" _Ben_ , I know you want something else. Something _more..._ I do too."** I take a step back, getting a better glimpse of him, and not just his face. **"Don't make me do this. You will _fail._ "**

**"You misunderstand my knights and I. Let me show you a better path. We can grow each other's power."** I look away from him and out at the mountains.

I have no way of escaping, no where to go. Are these my next steps? I cannot see if this is moving forward or backward. All I know is that I cannot stay here. And most importantly, I need to stay alive for myself, for Malan, and for _everything_.

**"Join me."** He offers his hand. I watch his face relax, and his eyes soften. I look at him. A mix of sadness, confusion, and desperateness strangles my heart. I stare at his hand, and then I take it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... clearly things didn't go as planned for both y/n and Kylo.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It is plot heavy, but it is personally something that I really enjoyed writing- I feel like I truly escaped into it.


	4. The Taken Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y/n takes Kylo's hand. Surely that means something, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :)  
> I hope everyone is doing well, things are especially hard in the world.
> 
> Any feedback is greatly appreciated! I'd love to hear criticism, plain ole comments, or any ideas!
> 
> This one is short, but I wanted to get this out!

**"Join me."**

The Kylo Ren I saw moments before fades. The malevolence and pain he once held in his eyes is overshadowed by vulnerability. He holds out his hand. Does he _really_ want me to take it?

**"I will not kill."**

**"You may do as you wish."**

I switch my gaze between his eyes, chewing the inside of my lip. I look at his hand. He holds it out as though it is beyond a symbolic gesture. I look up with furrowed brows, then back down. As slow as the breeze, I raise my hand, and take his into mine.

It is a strange moment between us. Though not awkward- no, that isn't the right word... It is unsettling. Like shaking hands with a man holding a gun to my head.

Kylo squeezes my hand, his eyes examining my fingers, and then releases it. He draws in a deep breath, like the world sits on his chest. He brings the back of his hand to my cheek, grazing his fingers over it. He cups my face, his brown eyes melting into mine. But my stomach leaps, and instinctively, I grab his forearm. I intended to rip it away, but that would mean my gaze would be interrupted, and I couldn't pull myself out of this daze.

 **"Your presence in the force is strong. You will become everything you ever wanted- _with me_."** For an instant, my eyes discretely bulge. I pull his arm away _-delicately._ He does not resist, letting his arm fall to the side. 

**"What about the knights? What will be my place in all this?"**

He turns away, examining the lava below us.

**"I must return to the Supremacy- they will begin your training."**

Like forgotten trauma, it hits me again. _What have I done? Am I going to play the part of a double agent? A spy?_ I could ditch him right now. I could push him in the lava-but that is not what I want to do. The force revealed who he _was_ to me, and I am compelled to follow that. I am compelled to keep pulling back his layers. I see too much of myself in him, and for that, I am afraid. Even impulsively curious. _What if I can bring him home?_ How many have failed trying? If I bring him back to the light, it will be a step towards balance. I know that must be true.

 **"Am I going with the knights?"** He returns his gaze to me.

**"Yes. You need to go now. They are downstairs. I am not leaving yet."**

He begins to walk away, back inside. I grab his wrist. He stops in his tracks, taking a moment before he turns his head. When his face is met with mine, I speak before he can protest.

 **"I do not want to you leave you."** Confusion and distrust washes over him. If he were alone, his body would shake, hoping the feelings would fall away. I feel confusion, too. But this _is_ the truth. I do not want to go with these knights that I know next to nothing about. I would rather be with Kylo. For one, he is less likely to kill me, go against me, or test me with violence. 

As he seems to always do, he searches my eyes. Though he looks absent minded- _robotic_. I let go of his wrist, strange hurt in my eyes. He continues walking, and I stand perfectly still, watching this beast stride inside. He makes it 10 feet or so ahead, and _stops_. He turns his head to the side, slightly towards me, and opens his mouth to speak. Nothing comes out. Then he turns his head forward, and walks. I spin on my heels to face the sky, waiting for the sound of his footsteps to disappear. When they do, I meet the knights downstairs.

* * *

_ABOARD THE SUPREMACY..._

**"Well done, my apprentice.** **You did not disappoint... Can you _turn_ her? Or must I take care of the mess?"**

**"She will come to the dark. It will come sooner than she can realize."**

**" _What have you sensed?_ "**

**"The darkness surrounded her on Mustafar- _like it was an energy source_... Similar to my interactions with the force during meditation."**

**"The presence of _Vader_ lives. Doesn't it _my boy_?"**

**" _Yes._ "**

* * *

Black soil crunches, each footstep I take nothing short of careful. What a strange planet this is, truly. How the air is breathable is beyond me. The knights are gathered beside the temple, next to a rugged ship. They are talking amongst themselves, filling the air with throaty laughs.

**"I am sorry about- _the knight_. It is only what I thought I had to do."**

**"That is what makes you a Knight of Ren, y/n. Now you need a _good death._ That is how may join us."**

**"A _good_ \- _death_? ****Does killing all of you count?"** They laugh.

**" _I can't wait for her to turn."_** A voice mutters.

My smile falls, eyes darting to find the source. Their masks make this _especially_ difficult.

**"Well, it is great that you are confident about me."**

**"Don't be too sure of that. We are heading out- Ever heard of Tython?"**

**"No. Will I be able to get something to eat?"** They let out half a chuckle and walk to their ship.

In fact, I have heard of Tython. I am not sure if anything, any _being_ , lives there anymore. During the Galactic War, Sith attacked the Jedi temple on Coruscant. The devastating destruction led the Jedi High council to Tython, where they built [a new temple](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Jedi_Temple_\(Tython\)/Legends). Eventually, the Sith attacked this temple too, turning it to mere ruins. Everyone was killed. I am not sure why they would take me there, but it sure is a _creative_ choice.

Swallowing all guilt and worry about my next steps, I board their ship. _For Malan_. I tell myself. _For balance._

I follow this knight into the ship and take my seat immediately. My hands snake around my seat searching for the safety belt. I pull it from behind me and over my body. The delicate click of the lock comforts me. I close my eyes. The footsteps of the knights pour in the ship, and I squeeze my lids. Soon enough, I am asleep as if I were in bed alone.

* * *

_SOMETIME LATER..._

I leave my dreams, but I am not awake. I am somewhere _between_. 

> _Kylo Ren stands with eyes closed. A gloved hand intently lays on a black helmet-that of Darth Vader. I cannot see him, but I somehow know this to be true. He knows where I am, too. Without warning the feelings fade. The sensation of a knife gauging my head shoots me out of my sleep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be..................................................SPICEY.


	6. UPDATE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTER 10/25

**NEW CHAPTER COMING THIS SUNDAY 10/25 !!!!**

* * *

I wish it hasn't been almost three months since I updated this. Life has been strange, quarantine has had its consequences.... and I _really_ need to write.

I am thinking of you all, I hope you are doing well <3


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